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Fancy a share in a soon-to-be champion racehorse possibly worth millions? Here, have James Packer's. He's not that fussed.
"I am obviously not an active owner of the horse," says Australia's third richest man of Hampton Court, the raging favourite in Saturday's Victoria Derby. "Being a silent partner is probably overstating my involvement."
Popular with British aristocrats and royalty in the 18th Century, racing became the sport of kings and lords.
Not here in the colony. It's the sport of any man.
Last Saturday, the story heading into the Cox Plate was The Cleaner, the $10,000 horse trained by a battler who lives in a demountable building on the side of his stables near Launceston.
A week later, the story is a $500,000 Redoute's Choice colt prepared by the country's most prominent trainer, part-owned by its most influential broadcaster and one of its wealthiest men.
The trainer is the walking sound bite, Gai Waterhouse. The broadcaster is Alan Jones.
"That doesn't help the horse!" Jones roars when told of the interesting juxtaposition. "He doesn't know any of that!"
It's also likely to be completely lost on Packer.
The humble casino operator, who a few weeks ago took half ownership of South Sydney rugby league team alongside good mate Russell Crowe, is overseas on business and isn't expected to be at Flemington on Saturday.
While he's been a regular racegoer at the Cup carnival over the years, he doesn't share the same passion for thoroughbred racing as his late father, Kerry, one of the country's most feared punters.
Yet he does share his father's indifference towards ownership.
In the 1980s, the young emerging trainer Lee Freedman noticed Kerry Packer owned two of his horses. He'd been sending his bills to Australia's then richest man, and they were being paid.
"I'm going to ring Kerry Packer," Freedman said to one of his staffers one day.
"You can't ring Kerry Packer," the staffer replied.
"You watch," said Freedman.
The trainer called and when one of Packer's underlings heard Freedman was a horse trainer, he promptly redirected the call to Kerry's million-dollar bungalow at Palm Beach on Sydney's northern beaches.
"Hello?" grunted Kerry.
"My name's Lee Freedman, I've got a couple of racehorses with you."
"Really? What are they?"
Freedman told him.
"Well, how they going?"
Freedman then started to go through the form and health of the horses.
"Stop wasting my time son."
Clunk!
About a decade later, Freedman is in the mounting yard at Randwick before the AJC Derby. He has a superstar in the race: Mahogany, who is owned by property tycoon Lloyd Williams, and Kerry Packer.
Freedman, in his own right, is a superstar by now, but had still never met Kerry.
"You probably don't remember me, Kerry," he said.
"I f--king remember," Kerry barked. "You called me at Palm Beach and wasted my time."
A year earlier, Mahogany had won the 1993 Victoria Derby, but don't think for a second that means James Packer is concerned about chasing the same slice of history as his late father, according to Jones.
"No, no, no, no, no," Jones says. "And he'd be embarrassed about seeing his name mentioned about Hampton Court because he's peripheral in the whole thing."
Despite all the headlines evoking the Packer name this week, it wasn't until six weeks ago Packer even knew he had a share in the horse.
Jones had texted him "wherever he was in the world" and informed him the horse had won the Spring Champion Stakes at Randwick.
"Is it a stallion or an entire?" Packer texted back, seeing dollar signs. "It might be worth something."
"No, we're not selling it," Jones fired back. "Stick to your business!"
Says Jones: "That's how we operate. One of the first horses we had together was Manifest. I had an arrangement where I said, 'Forget about it. You're in the book. I'll pay all the training fees but I'll keep all the prizemoney'.
"The only problem is the horse had 49 starts without even getting near the finishing line. I was well out of pocket.
"There's a picture on my wall here of the first time it won a race. Where did it win the race? Narromine. We had to send it there for a win in 2002. Owners: A.B. Jones and J.D. Packer. Oh God."
Jones has a long affinity with racing, having owned the likes of Golden Slipper winner Miss Finland, Snitzel and It's A Dundeel, who claimed the Queen Elizabeth Stakes earlier this year.
When Jones saw Hampton Court as a yearling, with his big head and perfect conformation, he had to have it.
The horse is bred by John Muir at his boutique Milburn Creek stud, which is near Jones' home in the Southern Highlands.
"The credit all goes to John Muir. He and his wife Trish treat their horses like family," Jones says. "Buying this horse was just a bit of fun. We put a few people in. I got the neighbour up on the hill …"
One of the owners was to be Jones' friend, the businessman and philanthropist Paul Ramsay, but he died of a heart attack in May while in Spain. "Ram was on the other side of the world and he's dead now," Jones says. "Poor Ram."
They sent the horse to Waterhouse, who might not have a Melbourne Cup runner this year after The Offer was taken out of the field, but can make up for it with Hampton Court.
Waterhouse has long held a high opinion of him. The colt's commanding win in that race confirmed it, not least because it lowered the long-standing 2000 metre record at Randwick.
Jones has had horses with Gai before, but nothing like this one. "The horse must be OK," he says. "We'll find out on Saturday. I never got nervous before putting the [Wallabies] Test team on the paddock, but I will be before this race."
Having the favourite in the Derby this year is easier than being caught in the middle of the feud between Waterhouse and fellow 2GB shareholder John Singleton that erupted last year over the More Joyous affair.
"The so-called feud between Singo and Gai Waterhouse, there's going to be a stewards inquiry on Friday and apparently it's going to be bigger than Gone With the Wind," Jones told his devout listeners at the time. "For those of us who know them both and love racing it's just sad."
Singleton, who seems to have his tongue firmly planted in his check when it comes to his leisurely pursuit of horse racing, told Channel Seven: "If Gai and Alan Jones had a kid it would have been absolutely perfect on every subject at all times."
It was Kerry Packer who convinced Jones to become a broadcaster, not a politician.
"What do you want to be son - the prime minister or a millionaire?" Packer senior is said to have asked him.
When Jones was celebrated at a special function in 2010 for reaching 25 years behind the microphone, Packer junior became emotional.
"Alan, no one will ever take your place. You are without peer, my friend," Packer said, appearing to tear up.
He mightn't care if Hampton Court wins the Victoria Derby. He mightn't even watch the race. But he wants it to win for Jones.
"Alan is one of my favourite people in the world," he says. "I'm just happy to be supporting him on this venture."
