Bloody hell. If you had to pick just one bloke in the NRL, who would be the least likely to be hospitalised for "personal issues" – a combination of accomplishment, the demonstrable smarts, stability, clean record, a great sense of self in ever utterance – it would surely be Kieran Foran. All strength to him for his complete recovery, in the hope that we in the media can give him the space he needs. In the meantime, it never rains but it pours for the Eels. Beyond Foran's personal issues, he also had dodgy hamstrings; while Anthony Watmough hasn't played a game this year and expectation is he will retire. (Who didn't kick those tyres?) And they're facing a points penalty for presumptive rorting of the salary cap, (expected to be announced next week) that will most likely finish their season after such promising on-field start. Oh, and let's not forget their AGM on Monday, which looks likely to resemble a dozen cats in a sack.
You can never win in an online game of loser-takes-nothing
I know, I am amazed, too.
You mean an Australian government actually did something to limit the terrible damage done by online betting? Still, good on 'em. As this column has been banging on about for yonks now, online betting is a practice set up specifically to both attract and create losers and yes, boofhead, I am talking to you. No exceptions. You. Of course you boast to all and sundry when you win, but you know and I know that over time you are a loooooong way behind. What is more, if you weren't a long way behind your particularly betting agency would likely have banned you for being a "toughie." They only want losers, see, and actually cull those that don't qualify.
None of my damn business? Quite true. Specifically when it comes to you, it is not. The problem is the culture it creates, whereby sport is reduced to being the major cog in the wheel of a machine that puts sports fans in at one end, and produces billions of dollars of cash for ruthless operators on the other ... together with the all too frequently shattered lives of those who lose everything. The machine sucks in hundreds of thousands of people, including kids with immature minds who aren't equipped to recognise it for the scam it is – it just takes longer to spit them out the other end. And it sucks in great people.
Just three weeks ago I met a bloke in Darwin who had it all, with a wife and three kids he adored, his health and wealth assured in a comfortable life in Adelaide, only to lose the whole damn lot to the online bookies. For he, too, had been sucked in, initially, by those ads we all see on TV, all the time. You know the ones, like the one featuring the roly-poly bloke who is with his mates watching live sport on the couch, only to announce he is going to put his money on one side to win, despite that side being well behind at the time. "If your side wins," his mate says, "I'll eat your shorts." Of course, Roly-Poly wins big, and hands his mate his shorts, while the other mate hands him some tomato sauce to make them go down better. Such fun! And such bullshit. A more realistic portrayal would show three losers – you heard me, I said! – needlessly impoverishing their lives, week after week by playing a game they are never going to win in the long term.
And so, the news that the government is going to ban in-play betting is good, and and a further plus for everyone is that we will be spared those wretched Tom Waterhouse-like ads that have so infested the coverage, for so long.
Players and friends come to support beloved "Poppa"
Six years, ago, you may recall, TFF had to put a fellow rugby player in his place, after he boasted in public of besting me on the field, during the Masters. His name was "Poppa" Gallagher, and he boasted to the Ballina News how he had tackled me hard in a rugby game between the Old Thistles and the Mosman Whales, at Milner.
"I am surprised that FitzSimons can even walk after the bashing I gave him," he said. Look, I admitted at the time, they were great tackles, and he did give me a bit of a bashing. But what you conveniently forget to mention, Poppa – and so I'm reminding everyone again – was, how, with two minutes to go, I did get past you, by first putting my palm in your face, flattening you and then BURSTING through. That showed you a thing or two, didn't it! Huh? Huh? HUH? And I don't care if you were 75-years-old, either!
But I digress.
In fact, Poppa is a beloved rugby figures up north, up Ballina way, the sort of unifying figure that brings 20-year-olds and – no kidding – 100-year-olds together, because they've all played against the booger, across 10 generations! So much so, that when word spread a couple of weeks ago, that Poppa has been diagnosed with asbestosis cancer and has two lesions on his lungs with a singularly grim prognosis, the Ballina Golden Oldies was quick to put together a gathering of of past and present player's that came to honour the now 82-year-old, by having a run together. And they came from everywhere, from as far as Casino and the Gold Coast about 50 in total. Poppa played, too, for about an hour, before the gathering heard speeches about him playing for NSW and Grade in the 50s and 60s, before moving to Ballina and continuing to play the game he loves to the present day. Afterwards, he got back a jersey stolen after a game 25 years ago when he had an altercation on the field, then a beer after with the rogue who stole it … before he did some arias worthy of an Opera singer that brought some in the gathering to tears.
This suggestion points to a different score
Dear TFF,
Keep golden point. Just don't make the golden point the first point scored.
Make it the third point scored. That way, teams will still go for tries.
And if there are infringements by the defence in order to stop that try illegally, then the ref doesn't have to worry about a penalty immediately determining the outcome, because the second point isn't golden.
The third one is: If a defence does give away a penalty,
they are still punished, because the opposition could achieve their golden third point via field goal. Of course if any team is silly enough to give away two penalties and have two penalty goals kicked against them, they deserve to lose.
I don't think any side will start out trying for three field goals, because that would mean not only successfully kicking three, but also holding out defensively while giving the opposition two sets to score on them,
but if they can do it, they deserve to win.
Yours,
Michael D. Williams.
That works for me. Does it work for you, dear reader? Discuss.
What They Said
Aliir Aliir, who came to Australia as a Sudanese refugee, on making his debut for the Swans on Sunday: "To be able to come to a different country and play AFL, a sport they've heard of back there, is unreal. I can't really imagine that happening. I'm pretty happy we came to Australia."
Aliir Aliir, recalls being inspired as a kid by the likes of a young Nic Naitanui taking spectacular marks, "hangers," as they're called in the trade: "The first thing I did when I went to training was to ask the coach are you allowed to take hangers? He said you can take as many as you want as long as you grab them."
Israel Folau on season's chances of the Waratahs: "We can't afford to look down the track, the Stormers are a good team, we've got to tick the boxes as we go." Perhaps that is the problem with the Tahs this season? Not enough ticking of boxes?
Eyes wide shut: Israel Folau. Photo: Mark Metcalfe
Nathan Brown on The Slap: "When I see Trent I say hello. We talk about old times, but we don't really talk about it. It's something that happened. I'd been coaching for six weeks. I've now been coached over 350 games, been to Old Trafford, I've been to another planet. There is no way in the world that you can justify what was done, we can make all the excuses that we like. But there is no justifying that."
Michael Phelps, with 18 Olympic gold medals to his credit, opens up about how he lost his way with alcohol for starters, and even contemplated the worst. "I think a lot of people close to me saw it. And I was going fast. Fast. Honestly, at one point I felt like I didn't want to see another day." Lifeline 13 11 14.
Sepp Blatter, comparing himself to the obvious historical figure: "How I suffered, just like The Passion of Christ. But I don't suffer any more because my conscience is clean. I've done nothing wrong."
Dockers coach Ross Lyon after the 0-5 start. "The brand we wanted to build, we haven't built. We've built something totally different. So it's back to the drawing board, clearly." It's always the brand!
Retired NFL Star Thurman Thomas on the effects of sustained concussion over many years: "When I started playing football as a little kid, the last thing on my mind was, 'will I be able to walk when I'm 50? Will I be able to keep a train of thought when I'm 45? When I'm 50, will I suffer from uncontrollable mood swings? And even worse, will someday I be so depressed that I would take my own life?"
Thomas on what the doctor who did the MRI scan on his brain told him about the frontal lobe of his brain: "It's similar to someone who has fallen off the top of a house, on to the front of his head, or going through a windshield of a car several times. That's decent ... for an NFL football player who ... played in the National Football League for 13 years. Not great, but decent."
Dennis Cometti on the Hawthorn captain: "Like a dentist with blood in his hair, Luke Hodge is a man to be avoided."
And, for no good reason, here is a Cometti Classic, from a while back on North Melbourne's Brent Harvey, one of the smallest men in the whole AFL comp: "He might be the only guy in the competition whose feet appear in his driver licence photo."
The Eels statement on Thursday: "The Parramatta Eels have granted Kieran Foran an indefinite leave of absence to seek the best possible medical treatment regarding a personal matter."
Team of the Week
Scott Keach. The South Australian showjumper returns to the Olympic Games in Rio, 28 years after he first represented Australia in Seoul.
Adelaide United and Western Sydney Wanderers. Contesting the A-League Grand Final on Sunday.
Wanderers. Came back against Brisbane Roar 0-3 to win 5-4.
GWS. Will find out their bona fides on Saturday when they host Hawthorn.
Aliir Aliir. The Swan nicknamed "Chand", who came to Australia as a Sudanese refugee, to make his debut tomorrow against Brisbane.
Amazing journey: Aliir Aliir at Swans HQ. Photo: Anthony Johnson
Crystal Palace and Manchester United. This year's FA Cup final will be a replay of the epic 1990 contest that saved Sir Alex Ferguson's career.
Mason Cox. American made his debut for Collingwood on Anzac Day and scored the opening goal.
Cauliflower Club. Now the charity partner of the Rugby Business Network, are having an event: Creating A High Performance Culture on May 2 at the Royal Automobile Club. Tickets available on Eventbrite.
Leicester City. Now just three points away from the unlikeliest ever championship.
Wests Tigers. After losing by a humiliating 60 points last weekend, managed to turn it around on Thursday night by humiliating the Rabbitohs in turn.
LeeAdianez Rodriguez. The 12-year-old western New York girl registered for a 5km run and ended up doing the half marathon.
Twitter: @Peter_Fitz
