The AFL has announced the grand final entertainment for 2016 - at least part of it. Aussie acts Vance Joy and The Living End are two of three acts that will grace the hallowed turf.
There have been some disasters in the past, on the last Satursday in September (or occasionally, the first Saturday in October).
So with that in mind, we prepared some helpful hints for the league - some tips for success, if you will. We're glad to see they've taken some on board...
Don't hire tuneless aging rockers (Meat Loaf and Angry Anderson, we're looking at you) who haven't had a hit since 1984 when Tetris, Argyle Vests and Melanie Griffith were cool. And certainly don't pay them $600,000 as Meat Loaf was paid, to buy more of whatever juice it was that made his lips fall asleep at the microphone.
Who could forget Meat Loaf's epic performance? Photo: Getty Images
Practise, practise practise. It's so much more enjoyable when the performers actually know their lyrics. Unlike Kate Cebrano, who unfortunately mangled the national anthem last year. Luckily, the sound-system was so bad that nobody inside the MCG seemed to notice her singing: "In history's stage, let every state Advance Australia Fair". Instead of: "In history's page, let every stage Advance Australia Fair".
Kate Ceberano singing the national anthem at the AFL grand final.
Try a full dress rehearsal. That would prevent another Ellie Goulding-style false start. For those who have happily forgotten, the songstress' voice could be heard last year swelling on the audio track for Love Me Like You Do, long before she opened her mouth. It begs the question: Was she was the first performer in either grand final or world history to use pre-recorded vocals? Ahem.
Ellie Goulding performs at the grand final. Photo: Getty Images
Forget the imported has-beens. They get enough exposure on those TV talent shows. Why not try out some emerging home-grown acts instead? Courtney Barnett, Tonight Alive, even Pond could put the "Aussie" back in Aussie Rules. Three years of Mike Brady's Up There Cazaly doesn't make up for snubbing other local musos. The good news is that Vance Joy and The Living End have got the nod for 2016.
Vance Joy at the 2015 ARIA Awards. Photo: Getty Images
Take a clue from the Super Bowl and its half-time show and hire current musicians who can play a stadium. You know, performers who are still touring and selling new albums. As tidy as Tom Jones and Chris Isaak looked in those black button-down shirts in 2014 and '15, respectively, entertainment has evolved since What's New Pussycat topped the charts.
Get in formation: Beyonce performs at this year's Super Bowl. Photo: Getty Images
